I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
