but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
