Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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