well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
