I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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