when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
