plz talk dirty to me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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