I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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