i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
