i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
