Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
