he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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