I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
