honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
