Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
