Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
