is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
