i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
