Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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