I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
