Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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