ugly people sure do ruin things
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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