How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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