please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
