I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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