It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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