Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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