At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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