I am puke
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
