I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
