Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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