If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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