Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
