Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
