Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
