So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
