Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
