Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
