planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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