Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
