Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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