Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
