trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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