were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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