I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
