hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
