When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
