we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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