Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
