Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
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i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize