Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
