Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
