My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
