His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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