One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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