im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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