kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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