My friends, they love my intelligence
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Randomize
