Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fuck appropriateness.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
