The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
