One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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