i don't like sucking hair
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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