I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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