Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
