...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
