i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
