Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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