evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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