just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
