It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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