Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
