Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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