What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
