I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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