Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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