I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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